Mopie sent me the link to the current Top 5 Meme going around the blogosphere (god, how did that term infiltrate itself into my vocabulary? I hate myself every time I use it) so here’s the official Weetabix-sanctioned list of Top 5 Songs That Glorify Fat Chicks (And Also Rock).*

1. Sista Big Bones by Anthony Hamilton

Frankly I admire your style
How you go into work everyday
Confident in your walk and your stride
Got my nose open wide, miss thang

I’d like to take you on a nice date
Shoot some riddles have some vittles with you
Make no mistake I’ll be a gentleman
Take your coat open doors things I’ll do

Ok, this just rocks. I first heard this song in a Lane Bryant of all places, and then ended up bonding with the saleslady who told me that it is her favorite song to play in the morning when trying to figure out what to wear for work. I sort of love it and then I saw the video, which is completely awesome.

2. Baby Got Back by Sir Mixxalot

The entire song is quotable, but really? It all boils down to this:

My anaconda don’t want none
Unless you’ve got buns, hon

Really, this song should piss us off. It’s as much about the objectification of women as any song about perfect tits or asses. It was even banned from MTV for its crude lyrics. And yet, for some reason, we just don’t care. If you’ve ever been to a dance bar and saw the crowd reaction when the DJ plays up this old standby, you already know that the thick soul sistahs have claimed this as their national anthem. It’s over 16 years old and yet, I still love this song. For what it’s worth, 1-900 Mixxalot is no longer in service but I encourage you to kick them nasty thoughts just the same.

3. Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen

Now I got mortgages on homes
I got stiffness in my bones
Ain’t no beauty queens in this locality. (I tell ya!)
Oh, but I still get my pleasure
Still got my greatest treasure.
Heap big woman you done made a big man out-of me!

It seems as though gay boys always appreciate those girls who rock their curves. And maybe it’s because they, like certain fat girls, possess a fabulousness that is not appreciated by mainstream society. While Freddy Mercury is identified as being gay, he described himself as bisexual, and the idea of him worshipping at the altar of a naked BBW makes me happy. As does this song.

4. Some Girls are Bigger Than Others by The Smiths

Some girls are bigger than others
Some girls are bigger than others
Some girl’s mothers are bigger than
Other girl’s mothers

Once upon a time, I was a tragic punk girl. I fixated on The Cure, had giant bangs that hung over my eyes to shield me from the tragedy of the world. This was pre-Emo and if I had any idea that my originality would become such a fucking stereotype, I probably would have written epic poems using my rhyming thesaurus about how unjust and cruel the world was. You have no idea how much this embarasses me now. No idea. But while I may rock the corporate world now rather than the dance floor of our local Under 21 alternative club, my iPod still contains a healthy number of my teenage obsessions. And The Smiths? You have to love The Smiths. Another confession: I was in late 20s before I realized that Morrissey was gay. I just thought he hadn’t found the right girl yet. And with this song, he ensures that he will always have someone to buy him drinks at the dance clubs.

5. Big Girls Are Best by U2

She’s ellipitical
Also political
All so spiritual
Not superficial
Yeah, she’s tropical
Yes, she’s illogical
Those little girls are a pest
Big girls are the best

I always assumed that Bono would groove on the emaciated fashion model type, but then I found out that he wrote this for his wife after she was having trouble losing weight post-partum.

So there’s my list, but I want to hear from you! What do I need to add to my iPod?

*(I must also mention that if this list were ranked on videos alone, Lo Rider’s “Skinny” would be number one. However, based on lyrics, not so much.)

Posted by Weetabix

Filed under: Fat Positive, Video