For current updates and discussion, please Like the new Big Fat Deal Facebook page. (The old group, BFDivas and BFDudes, is being retired.) I’m 15 minutes into Pitch Perfect, so in about an hour, I’m going to need everyone to come by and talk to me about Fat Amy. I hope everyone out there is doing awesome, and happy new year!
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Movies | 1 Comment »
Yes, it’s a BFD post! I’m hoping to get back into posting more regularly, and to that end, going through a slight backlog of e-mailed questions. Thanks for your patience (and feel free to re-send anything you’d like an answer to). Today’s question comes from Melissa, who writes:
I need a cute crossbody bag for a reasonable price and can’t find any with long enough straps. I’m not a small girl and have boobs that are beyond big…lol. Have you found any place to get purses with longer straps?
I too love the crossbody bag, and I am always looking for one with long enough straps! I have a great one, but it’s from a chocolate shop in Vienna, randomly enough, and it doesn’t seem to be available in the U.S. So, does anyone have a great bag with long straps to recommend?
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Ask BFD, Fashion, Meta, Question, Tidbit | 20 Comments »
I will confess that I used to love Jane magazine and was very sad when it went out of print. (I sadly missed out on the whole Sassy thing, probably because when I was in junior high, I wasn’t cool enough for anyone to tell me it existed.) But I loved Jane. I know that Jane Pratt has her detractors (and she’s still as name-droppy as ever) but her magazine was head and shoulders above the Cosmos and Glamours out there, in my opinion.
Now Jane Pratt has started a website, xoJane.com, and I am really digging it. Marianne Kirby (from The Rotund) and Lesley Kinzel (from Two Whole Cakes) are both writers there, and I think at least one of their other regular writers is plus-sized. That’s not just one token size ten contributor, that’s multiple people who are straight-up fat. (Back in the magazine days, there was one vaguely curvy girl named, I think, Katy (?), and I always felt like I could relate just a little bit more to her pieces.) The best thing about this is that THEY WRITE ABOUT ALL SORTS OF THINGS THAT DO NOT INVOLVE FATNESS.
Don’t get me wrong, they write great stuff about size issues. Lesley just wrote a piece called What’s Wrong With Fat-Shaming?, addressing those horrible billboards featuring sad-looking fat kids (I saw them in Atlanta last year, too, and I always wonder how the poor “models” feel, being plastered on a billboard, children, and being held up as some sort of example of what’s wrong with the world.) I also enjoyed her recent piece about Tim Gunn:
His comments are ultimately the same old body-loathing crap we hear all the time, wrapped up in faux sympathy, and therefore I must take issue with Gunn’s self-applied title of “advocate for larger women” as I believe his words do those women more harm than good. Especially when Gunn says of one woman on the new show, “…she’d been overweight her entire life and never known a normal, slim and sexy body.” (Emphasis mine.)
Check out the body politics tab for more (not just from Lesley, but from other contributors as well). But Lesley has also written about Downton Abbey and collecting things and tampons, and Marianne has written about eloping and fan fiction and Anne of Green Gables. I have no idea how the site works, but it doesn’t seem like “you’re our Fat Contributor, so please write about fat,” more like “you’re a contributor, please write about what interests you.”
I have to say tha I would love to see some more contributors of color, but the site is really doing something right by us plus-sized readers. So thank you to xoJane for having some real size diversity among your staff.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Advocacy, Celebrities, Fat Positive, Feminism, Kids, Magazines, Project Runway | 5 Comments »
Movie actors gain and lose weight for roles all the time. Remember when Russell Crowe gained weight for A Beautiful Mind, or Renee Zellweger did for Bridget Jones (and it was a way bigger deal because she’s a woman, even though she was a size ten at most, but that’s another story)? While Friends had Monica in a fatsuit (and Matthew Perry gaining and losing weight while he struggled with addiction), and Frasier had horrible fat jokes about Daphne (when Jane Leeves was pregnant), you don’t usually see comedians on TV deliberately changing their weight.
Until now, that is: one of the creators and stars of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Rob McElhenney, has gained 50 pounds for season seven of the show, which premiered last week. McElhenney, who plays Mac, says:
I never wondered what it would be like to have a fat character. That’s just mean and it’s not funny. Ultimately, what was funny to me was the abuse on one’s body. Mac was always talking about putting on mass, so he decided to put on mass. His vision was that when David was sculpted, they started with a big slab of marble and then he was whittled down. So Mac created himself a big slab of marble, but it turned out he was just a big slab of beef and never trimmed himself down. That to me is the funnier aspect of it. It stemmed from watching a really popular sitcom where the actors were better looking than five or six years before and I was like they’re better looking because they have more money, they are more famous, they have better makeup and wardrobe people. Our show has always been about deconstructing the sitcom and not creating likeable or attractive characters. It wasn’t just about weight gain, but about making myself look as self-abused as possible. I tried to look as ugly as possible.
(Two things about this quote that jump out at me: first, Danny DeVito is in the cast, and he’s not a thin guy, so they do have a “fat character,” although I can’t off the top of my head think about any weight-based jokes at his expense. I’m also not sure why having a fat character would be “mean,” but I’m guessing McElhenney’s referring to the type of character who exists for the sole purpose of having weight-based jokes made about them–a character trope with which we are all familiar.)
We started watching Sunny a couple of seasons ago (the gang’s musical, “The Nightman Cometh,” is endlessly hilarious to me), and the characters do and say wildly offensive things, making jokes about everything from crack addiction to rape. I do appreciate the fact that the woman in the group, Dee, is allowed to be just as offensive and horrible as the men, which makes it a rich comedic part for Kaitlin Olsen (who is married to McElhenney in real life). The question each episode seems to ask of the characters is “how low can they go?”
Glenn Howerton and Charlie Day, the co-creators of Sunny, were on one of the podcasts I occasionally listen to, WTF with Marc Maron. According to them, the characters–in their racism, sexism, and selfishness–are always the butt of the jokes, which is the source of the comedy. Howerton says:
Even with this year’s premise of Mac gaining weight, we are not making fun of fat people. We are making fun of Mac, because he thinks that he’s this muscle-bound person, and he’s done absolutely nothing in order to actually achieve that goal… this is not a person who is naturally fat, this is a person who is destroying his body under the delusion that he’s actually creating muscle… and that’s the joke, not fat people in general.
I’m glad Howerton makes this distinction, because I feel a lot of comedians don’t see a problem with making fun of fat people, and I appreciate (having seen the premiere and as a viewer of the show) that there’s more going on here. However, the “fat = funny” equation still strikes me as problematic. Alan Sepinwall, in his review of the premiere, calls Fat Mac a “sight gag,” and says:
Okay, first things first: major, major, major props are due Mr. Rob McElhenny for having the random but brilliant (if not necessarily wise from a personal standpoint) idea to put on 50 pounds in the off-season. Fat Mac is just a marvelous sight gag – in a way, it reminds me of that “30 Rock” episode where Jenna ate too much pizza over the summer, only, you know, real – that makes me laugh every single time I see him, while also standing in nicely as a commentary on the state of the gang. They’re getting older, and dumber, and sloppier – and in Mac’s case, fatter – and while another show might take this as an opportunity for personal growth, “Always Sunny” mainly just observes that they’re all getting too old for this shit, then has them keep doing it anyway, cuz it’s really really funny.
I don’t watch 30 Rock, so didn’t see the “Jenna ate too much pizza” plotline (which sounds like a dumb plotline, if I can judge merely based on the description) but I will be watching Sunny this season and am curious to see what others think. Here’s a preview of the show featuring “Fat Mac.” So what do you think? Do you watch Sunny, and do you think Fat Mac is funny? Can fat ever be funny?
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Celebrities, Feminism, Renee Zelwegger, TV | 12 Comments »
Armed with a gift card in my hand and Nordstrom love in my heart, I headed to the nearest Nordstrom Rack, in San Leandro, California, to do a little shopping.
The first thing I noticed is that Nordstrom Rack does not exactly provide the full Nordstrom Experience. I’ve been to Nordstrom proper many a time, and have had luck finding gorgeous clothes and fancy party dresses. Nordstrom also has impeccable customer service, making it a joy to shop there. Not so with Nordstrom Rack, which is more like shopping at a really really nice Ross Dress for Less. But of course, the prices are a lot lower, so that’s the tradeoff.
Whereas the selection at Ross is hit-or-miss (and mostly miss), the selection at Nordstrom Rack is amazing. (And they are expanding their plus size selection and adding plus to more stores starting September 15.) They have everything from Coach handbags to Bliss products to (of course) designer clothes, with a nice selection of plus sizes (I saw sizes up to 3XL and 26/28). My favorite thing about the Rack is actually the shoe section, as they have a great selection of shoes that go up to Women’s 13. My time was a little limited since I had a B-A-B-Y with me, but I found a lot of stuff to try on in an effort to put together a fall outfit. I was looking for something to wear when I go back to an office job in October, with “comfortable” being my main criteria.
The first thing I found was a pair of black Not Your Daughter’s Jeans. I’ve never heard of this brand before, but they are super comfortable. I was in love with this pair of pants the minute I put it on (original price $138). I paired it with an oversized striped Blu Seven top ($48) that says “fall” to me somehow. I’m also super into stripes! I added a Calvin Klein cropped shrug ($58) as a nod to the crisp San Francisco weather, and a super long, jet crystal necklace ($78) from the Nordstrom Crystal Collection. The original total cost was $322; my total before tax was $125.88 (pants $37.97, top $24.97, shrug $19.97, necklace $30.97). I saved almost $200! That’s almost enough for one of the purses I was drooling over!
I also had picked out a pair of gold shoes (original price $78; my price $38.97) in size 11 1/2 to finish off the look. However, there was a slight customer service snafu, and I didn’t end up getting them. I didn’t get bad customer service, exactly, it just wasn’t particularly good. I should say that the dressing room attendant was very nice about accommodating me and the stroller that I had, and a woman restocking merchandise was very friendly, but the checkout experience wasn’t great.
I had picked out a shoe and had neglected to go to the “shoe mate” window because A) the baby had started crying, and B) I had no idea how the shoe mate window worked. I asked if I could pay for the shoes and then go pick up the second one; this is apparently against policy (which I understand) but I was told I had to go to the back of the store to get the second shoe, wait in the line again (which had gotten really long) and then pay for the shoes separately. Since the baby was fussy and hungry by that point, I simply had to put the shoe back. I think if I were at regular Nordstrom, someone might have been willing to either run back and get the shoe for me, or let me skip the giant register line that I’d already waited in once. But again, it was my mistake, and their policy makes sense.
Overall, if you’re a fan of Nordstrom and a fan of saving money on expensive Nordstrom merchandise, it’s definitely worth poking around Nordstrom Rack.
Want to try Nordstrom Rack out for yourself? One lucky winner will receive a $100 Nordstrom Rack gift card to create their perfect fall look! Simply leave a comment telling me what fabulous fall piece is a must-have in your wardrobe. Make sure to leave your email address! Sweepstakes runs 9/15-10/31. Visit the Promotions & Prizes section. Official Rules.
No duplicate comments.
You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:
a) Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post
b) Tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment in this post
c) Blog about this promotion and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post
d) For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.
This giveaway is open to U.S. Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected. Good luck!
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Fashion, Meta, Personal, Review, Work | 232 Comments »
BFDiva Laurie sent me a very exciting email recently: she’s been chosen to be on TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss. It is a spinoff of their Say Yes to the Dress series, and it’s about, as you may guess, shopping for a wedding dress. The Big Bliss spinoff focuses on plus-sized brides.
I hadn’t seen the show, so I went and checked out some clips to get a feel for what it is like. There seems to be a range of fat experience here: some women have lost weight, some are dieting, some are very accepting of themselves. Many of them are matter-of-fact about their bodies, and have seemingly learned to blame the clothes, not themselves, if something doesn’t work. And of course, some are less confident, or apprehensive about the whole experience. Some hate trying clothes on; one woman admitted she hadn’t worn a dress in 20 years. The people helping them seem to be pretty positive and encouraging. (Although after watching a bunch of these videos, I still haven’t seem them find one dress that isn’t strapless, what is up with that.) (I also suddenly feel like getting married all over again in a giant white poofy strapless dress. Maybe I’ve watched too many clips in a row.)
So, have you ever seen the show? Do you have any advice for Laurie? Check out the clips below and let us know in the comments what you think. And good luck, Laurie! Let us know when the episode airs!
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Ask BFD, Fashion, Personal, Sex & Romance, TV, Video | 9 Comments »
When Kathy Bates got hired for Harry’s Law, I wrote a post with the headline “Role Written for a Man Goes to a Plus-Size Woman.” I thought of that headline immediately when I read that Jason Bateman, in his upcoming film ID Theft, pushed for the role of his co-star to be rewritten so he could act opposite Melissa McCarthy.
The premise was originally for a guy who gets his identity stolen by another guy, and it was written for Bateman and another actor. That changed after Bateman saw McCarthy’s scene stealing role in the summer hit Universal comedy Bridesmaids and he pushed for her to be the identity thief.
I have no desire at all to see The Change-Up, which stars Bateman opposite Ryan Reynolds. But McCarthy as an identity thief? This I totally want to see.
Via Monkey See.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Celebrities, Kathy Bates, Melissa McCarthy, Movies, Tidbit | 7 Comments »
Character: Megan, played by Melissa McCarthy
Credits: Before Bridesmaids, probably best known for Gilmore Girls and Mike & Molly, though she started off in the Groundlings. As far as her reputation among comics goes, this interview is worth reading.
Plot points: Megan is one of the eponymous bridesmaids in this female-centric, Kristin Wiig-centric comedy. At first you might think she’s the obligatory token fat bridesmaid that is going to be the butt of a lot of fat jokes, but she is really an astonishing character who basically steals the movie. (Or she would, if Kristin Wiig weren’t also so good in it.)
Stereotypes: The trailer had me worried. She’s the one most excited about the food at the Brazilian restaurant, and the first one to have gastrointestinal distress (though it eventually strikes everyone, her “I’m not confident which end that came out of” line is the one in the trailer). But ultimately, the character defies stereotypes: she’s smart, she’s independent, she’s rich, she’s brave, and she’s sensible. She is the character who (literally and figuratively) knocks some sense into our mopey heroine, Kristin Wiig, in one of the movie’s best scenes. She is honestly a joy to watch.
Sex/Romance/Attractiveness: In the sequence on the plane, she’s shown aggressively hitting on her seatmate (played by her real-life husband) and this sexual aggressiveness is played for laughs. There’s also a joke in which sex involves a sandwich, although by the time this joke comes up, my sense is that the audience is totally on Team Megan, and you’re laughing with her, not at her.
Fat jokes: There are a few (like “I naturally just don’t bloat” at the restaurant, which is meant to be ironic). Again, the reason I found them forgivable is because fat is not the be-all and end-all of this character, and most of the jokes involving her (and there are a lot) don’t involve fat at all. (My favorite one is probably her driving past Annie after the bridal shower, which I won’t spoil.) Admittedly it’s been a while since I saw the movie, so if I’m forgetting anything, hit me up in the comments.
The bottom line: McCarthy is basically playing the Zach Galafinakis part in this movie, and she does it brilliantly. There are a few jokes involving size or food, but Megan never, ever feels like a generic “fat girl” character. She feels like a real comedic creation. In that same interview, Rose Byrne says, “Melissa is nothing at all like Megan. That’s not hiring someone to do what they do; that’s a real performance. Melissa’s beautiful and feminine, but Megan’s tone—it’s almost like she’s a coach. There’s no doubt in her voice. For me a lot of the comedy comes from the tension between the wildness of her ideas and the way she would say them with such authority and confidence and speed.”
Rating on the offense-o-meter (10 being Norbit): 2
But how’s the movie?: You can probably already tell that I enjoyed it. In fact, I laughed so hard my water broke! (Okay, that’s probably not true, but my water did break in the parking lot right after we saw the movie. I was really glad we’d made it all the way through; it would have sucked to miss it.) Really hilarious, and a terrific rejoinder to the “women aren’t funny” trope. I can’t wait to see Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids 2. And congratulations to her on her Emmy nomination! Now that I know what McCarthy can do, I almost want to watch Mike & Molly.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Celebrities, Humor, Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly, Movies, TV, Wide Screen | 10 Comments »
Wilhelmina Anne was born at 11:43 pm on May 17th. (She was born via C-section, 50 hours after my water broke in the parking lot of a movie theater after seeing Bridesmaids.) (Which totally reminds me to write about Melissa McCarthy’s character in Bridesmaids.) She weighed 6 pounds, 14 ounces, and was 20.87 inches long. She is, of course, perfect! And that’s where I’ve been. Thanks for your patience!
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Kids, Mommyblog, Movies, Personal, Tidbit | 38 Comments »
Adorable 19-year-old Ashley Kauffman was separated from her skinny friends and told by an usher she was “too big” to sit in the front row of the American Idol studio audience.
She had been given free tickets to attend the filming of American Idol and was understandably excited. But 19-year-old Ashley Kauffman’s joy soon turned to upset on being told she was ‘too big’ to sit in the front row
There were two [female ushers] and one said: “Oh, I don’t want shorts in front,” about my friend,’…Then [the usher] looked at me and said: “Oh no, you’re too big, too heavy to be in front!” To make matters worse Miss Kauffman and the two other girls were then seated in the back of the theatre rather than directly behind their other friends…
She added that staff had seated two girls who were ‘super skinny and wearing little dresses’ in the front row where [she] and her friends would have been sitting.
Ashley says she is still going to support the contestants on the show, but is speaking out to “make sure it’s known how they treated me.” Good for you, Ashley, and I hope you get an apology–and front-row seats to the finale.
Via Rickey.org.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: American Idol, Fatism, TV | 25 Comments »
Jessica has a friend who’s getting married, and she needs help with her dress!
Hi there! I recently came across your blog and love it! Thank you so much for speaking up for the big girls!
My best friend is getting married in October and we are having a horrible time finding any actual stores that carry wedding dresses in sizes over 26. She doesn’t want to order one online and take the chance that it wont fit right (because you know, it’s bad enough you have no right to try it on in a store…when it doesn’t fit, you can’t return it). She wants to have the experience of trying a dress on in a store. She wants the fairy tale, I suppose, of walking in to a high end shop, being waited on and catered to. She wants a beautiful gown, not something my great aunt Mary wore to Easter dinner in 1983. As a women of size, people think that the size 37 on her tag means she’s willing to settle for anything.
After calling a few local stores and being told she’d “never find anything,” I vowed not to let this happen for her. However, after months of finding nothing, I am worried that these horrible people are right. We live in NE Ohio which is not the most progressive or fashionable part of the country. But we are willing to road trip to be able to give this awesome friend the experience she wants. Any ideas? Any and all help is much appreciated!
I hope you can find a place within driving distance; if it exists, I know the BFD readers will find it! However, I think that ordering dresses online and returning the ones that don’t fit may end up having to be the solution here. That’s also what I did for my non-traditional, non-weddingy wedding, and it worked out great! For a more traditional look, Igigi has lovely options, and they do let you return them. Readers also offered suggestions here a few years ago.
If that ends up being the case, who says your friend can’t have the fairy tale experience anyway? You can take charge of ordering and sending back dresses, so she doesn’t have to deal with any of it. Then turn your house into the dressing room–invite some friends over, set up mirrors everywhere, pour some champagne, serve some scones, fuss over her, take pictures of her in the dresses, vote on the best one. That sounds more fun to me than a bridal boutique, anyway!
Readers, any suggestions for boutiques and online retailers will be welcome, I’m sure. And Jessica, let us know what your friend ends up wearing!
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Ask BFD, Question | 37 Comments »
Part of my “homework” for the childbirth class we just started is to talk to people who have “had the birth experience” that I want. Of course, I have no idea. But I was hoping you would share your thoughts and birth stories with me!
I have friends who have had home births and hypnobirths and sexytime births, none of which is super appealing. Although I would like a doula (fingers crossed that the one we’re talking to right now has a space for us) I also want to be in a hospital near medical equipment because I think that’s where I will feel safest. Also because I am “elderly” (36) and because I enjoy modern medicine. (I am hoping it’s modern enough to involve pain medication [if I need it] without the use of needles. They’ve invented that, right? Where the medicine is just licked on by kittens?)
I am also told labor is very physical and hard work and all that stuff. I’m worried about physically handling labor and childbirth, particularly since I’m fat. And right now, I can barely even breathe because my uterus is crammed up against my lungs. So I’m not exactly feeling at my peak fitness at the moment, which does not boost my confidence any.
Oh, and I would like a room with a jacuzzi tub. (These do exist at the hospital, by the way! My husband thinks the idea of a tub is crazy, and likes to joke that he’ll get in and start ordering cocktails while I’m having the baby. This is not actually a real representation of what he will do. But I do love water and I will take any kind of tub they have got going on.)
Any or all of these ideas may change as our childbirth class progresses and we learn more about our options, but that’s what I’ve got so far. In the meantime, if you have a good birth experience story, please share in the comments! Help me with my homework.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Kids, Mommyblog, Personal, Question | 41 Comments »
Do you guys remember the story of the fat bridesmaid who was going to be excluded from a wedding since she would “ruin the pictures”? Dear Prudence dealt with a similar question in Monday’s column.
Q. I Need Help: I submitted a question last week and so I am hoping to get lucky today. I am 52 and getting married in about six months (first), my best friend, whom I love dearly, is assuming I want her to be my matron of honor. I have not asked her because she weighs about 400 pounds. I hate myself for not wanting her to be in the wedding, because it would just break her heart. People stare at her and point as she is very short, so it looks worse (if we can say that). I feel awful, but I am just being honest. How can I handle this?
She’s my best friend! And I love her! Except not really! Here’s Prudence’s answer:
A: Since you’re just being honest, I’ll be honest, too. I find your sentiments repulsive. How sad that your best friend has a best friend who actually is one of those people who would mock and stigmatize her. It’s one thing if you conclude, “Hey, I’m 52, so I’m a little old for matrons of honor and all that frou-frou.” It’s another if you want to exclude her because she’d ruin your wedding photos. If you’re coming to me for a polite way to tell your friend she looks appalling, you’ve come to the wrong place.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Fatism, Tidbit | 28 Comments »
I’ve really been wanting to post something non-pregnancy related, and go through the links in my inbox, but it’s still a little chaotic around here! I’m freelancing part time, teaching full time, and moving into our new house. So a lot is going on, and I thank you for your patience while I get things sorted out. In the meantime, I’m going to stuff a few topics into this post that I’ve wanted to talk about.
Gestational Diabetes
I had my one-hour glucose test a few weeks ago. (I am… wait, I can’t be 31 weeks today… can I? Well, it was at week 26.) In the days leading up to the test, I was convinced that I was likely to fail it. (A lot of people fail the one-hour test even if they don’t end up with gestational diabetes.) Why was I so convinced? I guess I assumed that since I’m fat, I would probably end up having gestational diabetes. I am also very thirsty all the time and drink water constantly, which is a normal pregnancy symptom, but again, I jumped to the diabetes conclusion. And finally, I’ve been eating way more sugar than usual since I’ve been pregnant. I crave carbs of all kinds: fruits, breads, chocolate, donuts, pop tarts.
[As an aside, I used to envision that I would be a beatific model of healthy eating when I was pregnant. But I’m here to tell you, physically speaking, pregnancy sucks, and you do what you have to do to get through it. I spent a lot of time so nauseous that only a specific, limited number of foods appealed to me at all. A lot of my healthy staples (notably turkey sandwiches and tuna fish) are on the Do Not Eat or Eat More Rarely list. And most importantly, it’s a tossup as to what I can stomach at any given moment. It’s actually been very liberating, because if someone sees me eating a donut or whatever, whereas I might have gotten slightly defensive about it in the past, these days it’s like eff you, I’m pregnant, I can do what I want. It’s been the key to helping me really let go of food guilt. I haven’t felt guilty about food for months.]
Anyway, I’m sure you can see where this is going: I passed the one-hour glucose test, no problem. And then I felt really dumb for all my dumb assumptions. Of course, if I had developed gestational diabetes, would I have blamed genetics, or blamed myself? Clearly, I should have read this first. The bottom line is that there is an increased risk for gestational diabetes in obese mothers, but the overall risk is still fairly low.
Weight Loss In Pregnancy
The next pregnancy hurdle was my last OB appointment, where I discovered I’d lost 10 pounds between appointments. In fact, so far at seven+ months of pregnancy, I’m down 15 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. My doctor did some measurements and was very reassuring, but sent me for an ultrasound just to double check. At the ultrasound, we discovered that the baby is measuring right on schedule and is in fact in the 50th percentile for weight. Exactly, perfectly average and normal and lovely. So as long as I keep taking my prenatal vitamin and eating a varied diet (yes, I swear there are veggies and protein in there) things seem to be on the right track. Yay and yay!
Baby Bump Question
Even though I’m 31 (???!?) weeks pregnant, I don’t have an obvious baby bump. I mean I do have a bigger stomach and am waddling around, but the average person on the street is unlikely to assume that I’m pregnant, and certainly nobody has asked about or commented on it. I had to announce my pregnancy to my classes at the beginning of the semester, since I didn’t want them to awkwardly wonder all semester if I was pregnant. Many of my thinner friends have obvious little baby bumps; I just have a general westward expansion.
This has actually saved me from one thing, which is people touching my stomach. I wasn’t big on people touching my stomach before I got pregnant, and I’m certainly no more enthusiastic about it now. But this weekend I’m going to a couple of baby showers with people who know I’m pregnant and may want to touch my stomach. I really don’t want them to; in fact, I was up last night worrying about handsy relatives or my over-enthusiastic parents, and how to set appropriate boundaries with crazy Dutch people.
I’m guessing this isn’t just a fat person thing, but curious to know what you guys think: did you mind people touching your belly while you were pregnant? And if you did, how did you handle it?
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Kids, Mommyblog, Personal, Question, Weight Loss | 33 Comments »
At the urging of various relatives and friends, I’m trying to put together a baby registry for Wigburg. You wouldn’t think that this would really be a fatty thing, but it turns out that for a few items, it is! So I figured: where better to ask about this stuff than BFD, right?
First question: do I need and will I use a rocking chair or glider? If so, is there one that you recommend as being sturdy and comfortable? Or should I just go to the… rocking chair store…? Yeah, I have no idea.
Second question: baby carriers and slings. My friend Jen suggested going to Babies R’ Us or what have you and trying on various types, which I think is a good idea; the other thing I know is that different babies like different carriers, and we most likely won’t know what Wigburg likes until Wigburg is here to express her preference. But is there a particular style of carrier that works or doesn’t work for a larger body?
And final question: diaper bags. I tend to like a messenger bag with a long strap, but occasionally when I order messenger bags, the straps aren’t long enough. anyone have one you like that has a nice long strap?
If there’s anything else that you’ve found to be a baby essential, fat-related or not, let me know! It’s a little overwhelming to stare at 20 different subcategories of baby stuff and figure out where to begin. Thanks in advance for your input!
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Kids, Mommyblog, Personal, Question, Tidbit | 34 Comments »
Every time I drive around to Los Angeles, especially around the holidays, I’m inundated with billboards advertising lap band surgery. I guess the home of the Hollywood culture of thin chic is the perfect market for that sort of thing. But whenever I see the billboards, I think of my friend Sony, who had the band put in nine years ago and has regretted it as long as I’ve known her. Finally, once she started having certain complications, the insurance company agreed to pay for its removal. She’s written about her experience with the lap band here.
The first year was pretty good. I lost about 50 pounds. I had a few issues, but nothing major and overall I felt great. I was losing weight slowly, with minimal frustration, and basking in the compliments and goodwill of people who were trying to be supportive.
The second year was not great. I plateaued for several months, then went in to get my band tightened, but it tightened so much that I couldn’t swallow my own spit and I had to go get it untightened in the ER in the middle of the night. It was downhill from there. I never found the sweet spot between feeling satiated on smaller amounts of food but not throwing up constantly. Some people with the band do, but long term statistics indicate that the number of people who do is closer to 10 percent of all the people who have the surgery.
“Success” is something everyone should be aware when it comes to weight loss, and weight loss surgeries. For the marketing collateral they claim 60-80% “success” – but depending on what you’re reading they will define it as some small percent of body mass lost and/or limit the time to a couple of years. There aren’t a lot of ten year follow ups, and they never do the math to include the people who died from the surgeries in their failures either.
So. No happy middle ground with the band for me. In years two and three the weight started coming back, even though I was following all the rules, getting my band adjusted, and exercising as regularly as I could. For the past six years or so I have weighed exactly what I did when I had the surgery.
The day to day reality of living with this is that I eat in a completely disordered way, I eat much less healthy, fresh food than I would like (or ever did pre-op), I’m tired all the time, I’m cold all the time, I vomit several times a day most days, and I get horrible reflux if I try to sleep on my back or my stomach or my left side. In the last few months there has been blood present a few times when I was vomiting, which finally vaulted the need to have this thing out from elective to emergency as far as the insurance company is concerned.
Obviously, this is only one person’s experience. But as long as there are all those billboards touting the surgery as an easy way to get thin quickly, I think it’s worth sharing the stuff that they’ll never put on a billboard.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Health, WLS | 40 Comments »
Hi everyone out there in BFD land! I certainly have missed you. And how has everyone been? Do we have stuff to catch up on or what? I guess I should first explain why I went away so abruptly and without explanation. Well, it’s Wigburg’s fault. Wigburg, who is currently, even as I type this, kicking me in the bladder. Yes, I’m pregnant! 25 weeks tomorrow.
And here’s the thing: I got really really really really really really sick. I wish I could convey to you how incapacitated I was. I was so sick that I could barely function. Just to get to work and home again was all I could do, for many weeks. Looking at a computer screen made me nauseous, so I didn’t reply to emails (my inbox is still stuffed) or moderate comments or post to the blog. Other things that made me throw up included eating, not eating, thinking about eating, moving around, looking at things, and talking (which made lecturing fun, let me tell you). At one point I was driving to campus and in the middle of the faculty parking lot I had to slam on the brakes, open the door, and puke on the concrete. Then I had to go brush my teeth and give a lecture. That was a fun day.
I got so sick, in fact, that I’m actually still a little sick. (It’s supposed to go away at 16 weeks. This in my case was a terrible lie.) It’s just that when I got to the point where I couldn’t leave my bed and was in fact doing nothing but curling up in the fetal position while occasionally projectile vomiting, I finally got some Zofran, an anti-emetic that I probably should have asked for weeks before I did. But in the meantime I was busy trying every remedy under the sun, from Vitamin B6 and Unisom to special Sri Lankan ginger cookies procured by a friend. And I was busy puking! Let’s not forget the puking.
In the meantime, and in addition, we bought a house! (I know. Lots of news from these here parts.) It’s a fixer-upper, and we’ve been working on fixing it up. That’s also been taking a lot of time. Add in teaching and traveling for the holidays, and there you have it. Where I’ve been.
The thing is, I have a lot of stuff I want to post about. We never talked about important things like Huge being cancelled (nooooooo!!!) (still sad) or the Harry Potter Theme Park adding fat-people seats to their ride just in time for me not to be able to ride roller coasters. Plus, now there’s all this fat and pregnant stuff to talk about, such as the fact that I still don’t really look pregnant and what that means (in fact, so far I’ve lost 15 pounds, even though none of my pants fit), or the fact that Wigburg is a girl, and that I need advice from all of you about how to help her grow up feminist and confident and awesome. And also, the fact that none of my bras fit, because apparently no matter how big your boobs are, they can still get bigger. Scientific fact.
I’m not going to commit to posting every day quite yet, but I will commit to at least one post per week, and see how that goes. I will also try not to turn into a mommyblog. But you know. There might be more mommyblog-esque content here and there. Once again: it’s Wigburg’s fault.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Huge, Kids, Meta, Mommyblog, Personal, TV | 47 Comments »
Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety. —Ben Franklin
I’m sure you’ve all read plenty about the TSA furor, which has been upsetting plenty of people. Friend of the blog Aych has written about her experience, and posts written by and about rape survivors have added additional layers of horror to the whole thing—and have suggested that the purpose of the pat downs is not actually to search people, but to embarrass them into choosing the scanners instead.
So I was reading this article about how the TSA agents don’t like the patdowns any more than airline passengers do, and what’s one of their complaints? Of course. Fat people.
“It is not comfortable to come to work knowing full well that my hands will be feeling another man’s private parts, their butt, their inner thigh,” wrote one male agent. Even worse is having to try and feel inside the flab rolls of obese passengers, and we seem to get a lot of obese passengers!
Well gee, I’m really sorry my “flab rolls” are making you uncomfortable while you are groping my private parts in public. Obviously I should fall in line and just go for the option where my naked body gets projected on a screen for you instead.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Advocacy, Fatism, Feminism, Politics | 38 Comments »
Well, would you look at that, it’s suddenly the week of Thanksgiving here in the US. You know what that means, right? Parties. Dress ups. Cocktail hours. Company shindigs.
And the downside to all of that glam? The family gathering.
Some of us are lucky enough to have happy families, supportive and warm loving families that do not thrive on dysfunction and backstabbing (and to you I say: what’s that like? And also, can I pet your unicorn sometime?) but I for one do not. It’s totally the wrong response, but I find that I do much better mentally if I am wearing something that I absolutely love and that I know looks fabulous on me. Pants that pull or shirts that pucker are not allowed! To risk the chance of absent-mindedly plucking at your clothing in a way that would be misinterpreted as weakness or insecurity will certainly give some well-meaning relative an opening to corner you just to remind you that you have such a pretty face if only you’d do something about –you know. UGH!
For instance, I fell in love with this SWAKDesigns purple paisley number before it was even out and have been wearing the hell out of it for weeks*. I love it and it makes me feel like I can take on the world, even when I wear it to work with a modesty cami and a boring cardigan to deal with our unpredictable office environment. And while I was in San Francisco two weeks ago, I stopped into the Igigi office to chat with a friend and was literally stopped dead in my tracks when I spotted the Donna Corset Top hanging near their work area. Sexy and powerful and enough to give even Aunt Betty pause. I ended up being very crass and turning a social visit into a shopping one, but I was powerless to resist buying the Moda Italiana*: the wool is seriously like buttah. Clearly I’m not the only one who loves it, as they are nearly sold out but the maxi coat is exactly the same indescribably baby soft wool and also gorgeous.
I’m also keeping an eye on this cute sweater dress from Lucie Lu and I must have purple on the brain, because I keep wandering back to gaze at this wrap dress from Kiyonna. And anyone who haunts Fatshionista already knows about the English score ASOS Curve but this dress is either totally rock star or tragically marred by that fat girl dress shop need to slap shiny stuff on everything. My instinct is that it’s saved by the blend of sapphire and black.
What about you? What are your power outfits? Where should we be shopping for our next It Girl dress?
*This post is totally unbiased and was not compensated. Both the SWAK dress and the Igigi coat were my purchases and neither company requested a review. Additionally, neither I nor BFD received compensation or requests from LucieLu, Kiyonna or ASOS.
Posted by Weetabix
Filed under: Fashion | 13 Comments »
There are two new Uwe Boll films coming out: one is a documentary on Auschwitz and the other? I am not making this up: “a film about an overweight half-vampire who takes her hungry vengeance out on Hitler and his band of Nazis.”
You’ll love the title.
Without further delay, I give you the official trailer for Blubberella.
(Safe for work but probably not safe for potential body image triggers)
Io9 called it “ridiculously offensive fatsploitation” and judging from its tagline (“She will kick major ass – with her major ass”) it’s hard to disagree.
In case you’re wondering who the cute-as-sin actor is in the title role, it’s Lindsay Hollister who you may remember from Joan of Arcaia and the dance scene in Get Smart
It’s important to note that she is still listing the film on her resume as “Untitled Spoof Movie”. She had this to say in an interview over on Big Fat Blog:
What challenges have you faced in your career due to your size?
I am definitely bigger than a size 10 and have lost out on several big parts because I’ve been too fat to play the “fat woman”. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful. My career began because of my size (playing an overweight student on Boston Public), and I’ve been able to play some amazing roles because I am a character actress. But I’ve also hit a lot of walls because compared to the average size of an actress in Hollywood (size 0/2), I’m gigantic! It’s a double edge sword and I think that networks/producers just don’t want to take the chance on me. Like casting me as a love interest for example. Again, they play it safe with an actress who is a size 10 or 12. It’s frustrating because I don’t understand why they wouldn’t want to shake it up a little bit. Make a statement. I think people would watch. And love it!
Blubberella is definitely a statement, Lindsay. As is that hot corset number. I’m going to focus on that instead of the food jokes, m’kay?
But this brings about another question: Boll is claiming to have the first supersize superhero (which, no). I somehow doubt that Blubberella will represent the hope of the fatosphere quite the same as the X-Men’s Storm or John Stewart from the Green Lantern are role models as black superheroes. In fact, I think if I had to pick from the options offered, I’d exchange Blubberella for Fat Momma, doughnuts and all.
Posted by Weetabix
Filed under: Fatism, Movies, Video, Weetabix | 19 Comments »
Random amusement from SNL last week:
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Humor, Tidbit, TV, Video | 4 Comments »
Remember back when Glamour had the Girl on the Bottom of Page 194 Lizzie Miller? It seems that we take two steps forward and three steps back when it comes to the glossies. Witness this latest post on Marie Claire’s sex and love blog, straight (and apparently without being vetted by a sane editor) from the mouth of Maura Kelly, who objects to the new fat people tv shows like Mike and Molly and Huge:
I’d be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other … because I’d be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I’d find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair.
Oh, before you get upset about this, you should know that Kelly insists that she doesn’t hate fat people, and in fact, has some friends who are pudgy, so really, it’s because she cares so much about our health. Oh, ok then! She also offers the advice that if we exercised more and ate whole foods, we’d lose weight in a jiffy. Fat people never do any of those things! Maura Kelly saves the day! As usual, my hardcore crush Lesley nails it:
…you’re not required to find all fat people attractive, certainly, but Kelly’s comments above are dehumanizing and offensive and really have no place associated with a widely-read publication such as Marie Claire. This is not simply because their candor subverts the standard feel-good ladymag message of “Love yourself! (But not too much!)” but because sentiments like those expressed in Kelly’s post are bad for everyone: they make fat people feel terrible about themselves, and they make thin people terrified of becoming one of those disgusting fatties they so revile.
After reading Ms. Kelly’s blurb on her alumni website, I was most struck by this paragraph:
She struggled with anorexia growing up and credits the psychologists who worked with her for helping her to overcome the disorder. She was so thankful to her psychologists that she decided to major in psychology at Dartmouth so she could one day help others in the same way. Upon graduation, Kelly reread Catcher in the Rye and decided that being a psychologist no longer appealed to her and what she really wanted to do was write a book that would “make people feel less alone in the world.”
After reading the comments on the Marie Claire blog (seriously, go read them and cheer), I feel bad for Kelly. Her sizist screed against fat has obviously more to do with her own eating disorder (which she wrote about and examined in depth in this NYTimes article) and body dysmorphia than any actual concern for the health and welfare of her common man. Check out her anecdote where man told her that she looked “athletic” and she mentally twisted it into being called fat. Also, I’m absolutely betting that the next time she bumps into Marie Claire’s pet plus-sized columnist Ashley Falcon in the elevator, it’s going to be awwwwkward!
Good luck with that making “people feel less alone in the world” thing, Maura! You certainly have bonded the fatosphere in outrage and disbelief.
Posted by Weetabix
Filed under: Fatism, Huge, Magazines, Mike & Molly, Weetabix | 47 Comments »
A Sunday morning ritual at Casa Bix involves a cup of coffee, the New York Times and a pug in my lap and Food Network on the TV, where Esteban and I provide a running MST3K commentary on Sandra Lee and Rachael Ray. We love Ina the most, mostly because unlike several TV chefs, her recipes actually taste good whereas recipes from Rachael Ray and Alton Brown are hit or miss. And I freely admit that I have some fat girl bias, but I am pretty sure that my preference for Ina has to do with her recipes turning out well in my own kitchen versus any contention that the only good cook is a fat cook. Check out the fat bias in this editorial from Matt Kass at the Chicago Tribune:
Cooks require heft, to prove they eat their own creations….It’s not just the skinny women chefs. I don’t trust skinny male chefs either, especially if they’re dressed like teenage vampires in “Twilight” with their skinny black jeans and tight T-shirts and ample hair product. When I think of a chef I can trust, I think of cooks with gravitas, some weight on their bones, women who clearly are no strangers to the knife and fork.
Before you start thinking about this being a win for fat acceptance, think again: I don’t care if it’s disregarding Beth Ditto on the runway because she’s over size 12 or disregarding Padma Lakshmi because she’s under size 12, it’s still sizism no matter how you slice it. Sure, fats are getting the positive assumption that they are more competent when it comes to food, but it’s just as damaging as assuming an athlete is stupid or a gay person is good with fashion. And the assumption that you’re such a good chef that you can’t stop eating your own creations is insulting at best, not to mention the bad reasoning that fat OR thin chefs are only eating their own food. Certainly, we can point to some anecdotal evidence to support the stereotype of a great chef at a higher BMI but we can just as easily point out situations to the opposite. For every Mario Batali, there’s a Grant Achatz who is amazing in the kitchen (trust me, the man’s food is perfection)!
What do you guys think? Do you distrust thin chefs? The comments are dying for some juicy morsels!
Posted by Weetabix
Filed under: Beth Ditto, Fatism, TV, Weetabix | 23 Comments »
1. Kirstie Alley’s new “weight loss program” is probably based on lies, according to the ever-reliable National Enquirer. (Hey, they were right about John Edwards.) (Note: the article uses slightly fat-phobic language.)
[Alley] recently bragged on her Twitter site that she’s lost 50 pounds with exercise and her Organic Liaison weight-loss program. But those close to her say she’s lost barely half that weight and that there’s no way she’s down to 180 pounds!
What’s more, a photo taken on Sept. 29…shows that the plus-size actress hasn’t lost nearly as much as she claims… The struggling star “has been goosing her weight-loss numbers” – insisting she’s dropped 50 pounds, when it’s more like 25…
In September, while in Italy, she tweeted that she had lost 50 pounds, posting a photo of herself surrounded by handsome men. But the picture appeared to be air-brushed to make Kirstie look thin, and she hid her lower body behind one of the hunky men.
As if weight-loss programs aren’t enough of a scam, hers doesn’t even temporarily work! I hunted down that picture so you can see for yourself. She does look pretty airbrushed, no?
2. Ricky Gervais has lost weight recently, and now feels like jokes about fat people are off-limits.
“Now I’ve got to stop making jokes about fat people, which is annoying. When I was fat, it was okay,” the creator of ‘The Office’ tells People. Gervais, 49, lost “20 or 22 pounds,” he says. “It wasn’t so much about the weight. It was more that I was a fat, lazy, out of shape slob, to be honest.”
Ricky Gervais shutting up about fat people is probably for the best, then, isn’t it? Oh, Ricky.
3. Kim Kardashian posed nude for W Magazine (photos at this link are NSFW) and the pictures are everywhere. There have been a lot of ugly comments that I’m sure you can find if you search for about ten seconds, but I liked this one:
I’m 5’1 and I love the way I look, and it’s nice to see more women with hourglass figures in the media lately, being unafraid to [bare] it all, like Christina Hendricks and Ms. Kardashian here. I’m not going to stop loving myself just because I have the figure of a cartoon character.
Stop the hate, people! There’s so much hate in the world, do we really have to tear each other down over how we perceive each others’ bodies?
4. Crystal Renn is a size 10, and Manolo for the Big Girl is over it.
There’s nothing wrong with being a size 10. She’s had a tough row to hoe body-image wise and if that’s where her body is happy then far be it from me to complain.
But she’s a size 10.
That’s not plus-sized, that’s not close to plus-sized and even though I am the biggest fashion industry apologist on the planet, I just can’t pretend that she counts as a plus-sized model in any meaningful sense and therefore she deserves no more and no less press or attention than any other model who doesn’t wear plus-size clothes.
I’m a big proponent for variety and I’d rather see a size 10 model as a staple than a size 20 as a gimmick every few years, but the days of breathlessly reporting on her every move as a victory for fat girl kind –inasmuch as I ever have– are over.
5. Via The F Word, celebrities who have struggled with eating disorders include Felicity Huffman, Elton John, Kate Winslet, Victoria Beckham, and Snooki.
For years she denied the rumors that she had an eating disorder, but Calista Flockhart finally admitted to her problem with anorexia. “I started under-eating, over-exercising, pushing myself too hard and brutalizing my immune system. I guess I just didn’t find time to eat.” Even though the actress hasn’t gained much noticeable weight she ensures, “I am much more healthy these days.”
I recently read Kathy Griffin’s Official Book Club Selection, where she talked frankly about her binge eating, her husband’s binge eating, and going to Overeaters Anonymous—as well as the botched liposuction that nearly killed her.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Celebrities, Crystal Renn, Kate Winslet, Kirstie Alley, Links, Magazines, NSFW, Ricky Gervais, The Office, TV, Victoria Beckham | 8 Comments »
As you may or may not have noticed, it’s been a while! This is probably the longest unplanned hiatus since this blog began. But if you follow me on Twitter or various other types of social media, you know that a dear friend of mine recently passed away. Between traveling for the funeral, grieving, illness, and schoolwork, I had to put BFD on the back burner for a bit.
Thanks to the snowball effect, I also haven’t been reading or answering my email as diligently as usual. If you’ve sent me something that requires a response, and it’s not too late for that response, it would be great if you would re-send it! It may take me a while to dig through my email and catch up, and I’d hate to miss anything urgent.
I also went through and screened something like 200 backlogged comments a couple of days ago. If you had a comment held in moderation, it should be up now. And if I deleted your comment by mistake, or approved something trolly or spammy, please let me know! I did speed through them pretty quickly. You can find the newest comments on the comments RSS feed.
I am also faced with the daunting task of catching up on everything I missed in the world of Fat News. I haven’t been reading the Fatosphere or anything like that, so if there is a Big Huge Topic that needs to be discussed, please assume I don’t know anything about it and shoot me a Tweet, an email, or a comment letting me know!
I was actually going to segue this into a real post, but this got longer than I thought it would. (That’s what she said.) I missed you, my blog friends! Look for more posts soon.
Posted by mo pie
Filed under: Meta, Personal | 6 Comments »
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